Nostalgia can suck it tonight. Pity-party take 1…

I’m finding myself feeling like I’m in a fog. A bit of a “fog of denial” you could say. Every day I truck on, making it through to the next, trying to stay positive that life has to begin to improve soon. Yet it’s becoming harder and harder to stay positive at times. Tonight being one.

I am extremely nostalgic. I can go through old photos I’ve seen a million times, watch clips of my boys when they were tiny a million times, music, movies, etc. I live for that stuff, or, I used too. Today has been one of those days where I have looked at old pictures, watched old home videos, and it all made me smile until I stopped and reality hit. My life will never be the same. I will never have the relationships with so many people I dearly loved for so many years. It sucks. It makes looking at all these past happy times, that always gave me the good ole warm fuzzies, now filling me with a gut churning sadness.

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The Wasband knows! Dun dun duhhhhhhhhhh!

So tonight I went to my to see the spawn. Just to get some pre-bedtime cuddles because I hadn’t seen them in a couple of days. Nathan, the hater of pants, greeted me at the door in his Tom and Jerry underwear and jumped in to my arms, Tyler in his long sleeve/pants pj’s, wrapped his arms around me, and the furry one came squealing out of the kitchen to dive in on the action too. Immediate happiness all around. Boys were excited to show me how they and their dad decorated inside the house for Christmas today and pointed out each individual decoration to me (which I myself personally spent years collecting.) Made me a bit sad that I don’t get to be there with them and enjoy them all, but also happy to see the boys light up in awe over the Christmas magic.

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